An exponential increase

I’ve reached that weepy period where Bryan approaches me sweetly but carefully, conducting due diligence on the postpartum depression front. I return his kindness with a rather caustic, “I just had a baby—I’m allowed to cry.” Sometimes, it’s tears of frustration, wherein the admittedly minor aches and pains and lack of sleep catch up with me during a weak moment. Other times, I can’t help but be overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of the love I feel for this new little being.

When I was pregnant with Olivia, I recall being very concerned that I wouldn’t have the capacity to love her as much as I loved Ava. The idea of it seemed unfathomable. It was remarkable to find that the addition of a new baby somehow resulted in an exponential increase in that extraordinary emotion. Not only could I love Olivia as much as Ava, but my love for Ava grew in those moments she took on her role as big sister. I loved Bryan more as I watched him snuggle up with both of his daughters.

And, in all three additions now, I’ve found that my love and gratitude for my own mother has grown beyond what I ever thought possible. The capacity just continues to increase, and my heart swells over and over again.

Owen is so fortunate to be part of an extended family that includes some of the most generous and caring people I’ve ever met. We are so grateful for our parents, grandparents, siblings and friends. And, of course, we’re grateful for Owen himself, who helped us prove once again there’s no capacity limit on love.

5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Laugh at Jessie on July 8, 2012 at 11:29 am

    This is such a beautiful post. Although I don’t quite understand love in the same way as a parent, I know that loving Ava changed me abruptly. I feel fortunate that you share so much of your love and family with me. And–thanks for these posts about Owen. I am dying to meet him. Love you!

  2. Posted by Laura on July 8, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    I agree–so beautiful. It’s amazing how you can’t imagine life any other way than how you’re living it, and then a baby comes along, and you suddenly can’t imagine a life before. It was there. You know you lived it. But somehow it feels surreal and distant when you look into that new little set of eyes. Or sets of eyes, as the case may be : )

  3. Posted by Gramma Great on July 9, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    Beautiful post, Rebecca.

  4. Posted by Rebecca's Mom on July 9, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    Love you, too . . .

  5. Posted by Lori Strelow on July 21, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    This made me cry. That was beautiful and I totally get it. Wait until you have a grand child. The love is so painful when you’re apart.

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