My week—at least according to Facebook—looked pretty good. Happy, mostly-clean children smiling on a front porch, then walking up a hill to celebrate their first day of school. A fun and engaging TV trivia taping with awesome colleagues. Comments that indicate I had ample time to watch fascinating videos and read a few articles.
In the interest of full disclosure, though, I offer a list of happenings that did not appear on my sanitized social media channel:
- A string of days in which ALL THE THINGS went wrong at work. Deadlines were missed, balls were dropped, bad decisions were made.
- Tears. A lot, actually—some hidden as I left my eight-year-old in a new classroom for, what–the third or fourth time? Some in frustration over work and relationships. Some as I wished earnestly for 10 minutes to shower without being asked a single question.
- An actual tantrum—mine, sadly—in which I refused to make dinner one night. I did do the laundry later—though only with barely contained fury.
- Unkind words to my sweet husband, and to my daughters.
- Too many glasses of wine.
- Frustration with a baby who isn’t sleeping, and shame because I know it’s due to illness.
- Endless worry about time spent at home rather than at work.
- Endless worry about time spent at work rather than at home.
- Bedtimes that were probably earlier than they needed to be.
- Guilt. So much guilt. Over everything from poorly-managed relationships, to phone calls I should have made but didn’t, to the thank you notes I STILL haven’t written.
- 19 changes of clothes—only five of which I actually wore, and a promise yet again to lose 20 pounds.
- A slice of pizza anyway.
I’ll note that, thankfully, a week like this is the exception and not the rule, but it feels disingenuous to let it go by without a bit of honesty. Social media makes it all to easy to create a facade that does no favors for women, for wives, for moms. Days can be filled with more blessings than you can count, but they can be brutal and cold.
So, with this declaration, I offer a glimpse into what is real, and—more importantly—a promise to myself and those I love to try and do better come Monday.
– Rebecca
PS – Those cupcakes? They were from a box.
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